Enmeshed motherhood

I don't remember my counseling days as clearly as I'd like sometimes, but I'm pretty sure I'm an enmeshed mother. I was going to say "becoming" but the reality is, I'm there. The danger of having children, especially a daughter, is you start to relive your own childhood in their experiences.

If you're wise, you recognize that your children are NOT you and let them battle things out in their own way, offering support, advice, and encouragement, and stepping in only when it's something too big for their little bodies and minds to handle.

If you're me... well, I'm working on wisdom, but it's elusive.

Amelia has been struggling with being seven going on eight. She's bright, energetic and cheerful, but she wants everyone to love her, even when she doesn't act in a lovable way. She's learned at home that we love her no matter what, but her classmates don't always feel the same way.

She has friends - strong willed and independent like her - but she wants to be accepted by those who don't accept her now.

My heart aches for her pain - which is fortunately short-lived, because she's a resilient child. I get wrapped up in my own experiences of childhood friendship and rejection and have trouble separating. She is not me, doesn't feel the angst and joy of relationships in the same way, but my maternal instincts want to protect her as I would myself instead of letting her learn through trial and error how life works.

Because, in the end, we really learn the most through our own experiences.

She'll be fine. I know she will. But there are days when I wonder how mothers live through this constant worry and wonder.

A not-very-scientific analysis of the NH campaigns of the presidential candidates

A slightly longer title than usual, but it goes with the annoyingly long campaign season for this primary. Now that's it's almost over (polls in NH close in about 3 hours and 20 minutes - not that I'm counting), this is my take on the campaigns waged in New Hampshire, from my little corner of it.

1) The Republicans shun the personal touch.

Hardly surprising, at least to me - an undeclared voter, but I never had a personal call or visit from any Republican campaign. We received a lot of "push poll" calls - you know, "Do you support the war in Iraq or do you hate freedom?" kinds of questions. My favorite was the automated poll with the opening question: "Do you intend to vote in the Republican primary?" When the answer was "no," the call disconnected without even a thank you. So much for unity and bipartisanship.

I must say, at least John McCain had the decency to personally tape a message to play. For that reason alone, I hope he beats the pants off of Mitt Romney.

2) Barack Obama's volunteers are cheerful and persistent - like happy little mosquitoes.

They swarm, both on the phone and in person. One day, I counted three phone calls from Obama's campaign alone - all different people who didn't realize I'd already been called. Just now, three young people who didn't look old enough to vote (I'd swear it was their mother waiting in the car for them) just knocked on the door to make sure we'd voted. Wouldn't one have done just as well or were they afraid we'd bite? Obama's campaign had already called earlier in the day as well to see if we'd voted - which we had and told them so.

That leads us to...

3) Obama's campaign seems to be the least organized...

with an asterisk, however. They're so eager to communicate and get out there that they miss communications others have already done. I'm not sure Obama should win if he's going to introduce this kind of redundancy back into government. I thought Al Gore had worked to cut some of this stuff.

They also change tactics in mid-stream, which I thought somewhat tacky. His last appearance in the area, yesterday, was supposed to have reserved seating to some who'd been invited to hear the Senator by the campaign. After Iowa, they changed their minds and called people to tell them it was now open seating. Apparently swelled by his popularity, Obama's people got cocky.

There were two problems with this. One: some very nice students who were having a civics lesson visiting all the campaigns in the area were disinvited. However, the adult coordinating reminded the staffer who did the disinviting that the students would return home that evening to their registered-voter parents and tell them all about seeing Clinton and McCain, as well as why they didn't see Obama. She hung up while the staffer was stumbling through his excuses.

The second problem: many Vermont voters crossed the border to take the seats, not more NH-registered voters. So those left out in the cold (only figuratively - it was a balmy 34 degrees or so here yesterday) could factor that into their assessment.

4) Hillary Clinton's volunteers reflect their candidate: polite, professional and distant.

Volunteers stopped by twice, politely dropped off materials, offered a phone number to call if interested, and left. Probably not good campaign tactics in general, but for a registered voter tired of the constant barrage of visits, phone calls, and mail, it was a welcome change. (New campaign slogan: VOTE CLINTON - SHE WON'T BOTHER YOU UNLESS YOU ASK HER TO.)

5) Edwards' volunteers are somewhere in the middle.

Friendly, a little persistent, but you could forgive them because they're so darn nice. They call, check in, say hi, and go on their way. They never drop in unannounced and, if they did stop by, they'd probably bring a gift - a plant or something, perhaps.

6) Ron Paul - a different sort of guy...

He called, multiple times, but I never actually heard his voice because I'd hang up before the automated message finished with the introduction: "Please hold for an important message from Ron Paul." I assume he wasn't actually going to talk with me personally, or I would have hung on.

Anyway, now less than three hours before the polls close and hopefully we've seen the last of eager Obama-ites, chipper Edwardsians, aloof Hillary-hangers (not that we saw much of them anyway), and Republicans in general. Go bug South Carolina for a while. We'll see you in four years.

The end of an era - okay, just a year

It's been a big year. The boys started school, Amelia's in second grade, Bryan's started a new company and I finished a book, wrote a short story (soon to be published), and - hmmmm, what else did I do? I'm not sure, but a whole year has passed doing it.

One thing I've done is started a writing website for my author-self, but am having trouble maintaining it and blogging here. I may have to think that through some more.

Funny kid story: Jamie solved the Car Talk puzzler the other weekend. He was riding around with Daddy in the car, and the puzzler came on. They both listened to it, and Jamie piped up with,

SPOILER...

"They burned the gas in the truck."

I love my kids. They're weird but cute.

I have to get some work done, but thought I'd check in and say hello. I'm still around, just busy. Leave a comment if you visit so I know you stopped by.

Happy New Year!

Let it snow!

We got snow yesterday, we're getting snow today, big nor'easter supposedly coming in sometime - although I thought there was also a storm coming in from Kansas. It's the most wonderful time of the year (after, of course, the start of school time). The skiways are happy here and the kids are happy and my toes are cold, but otherwise, I'm happy too.

Amelia, Alex and Jamie have been sledding up a storm. Bryan's built them a little ramp to jump their sleds off of - entirely too close to the trees and rocks, in my opinion, but I'm only Mom. I don't count - at least when it comes to fun and danger. They have different paths and a whole system worked out for the short trails. Lots of fun - for them. I close my eyes and wait for the screams.

Bryan's business is plugging along, with a goal of end of January for a sell-able, tested product. It's aggressive, but I think at this point, the goal is good, even if they don't make it. I need to get hopping on helping with the website and business plan, which is currently in flux.

On top of that, I'm working at home 40 hours/week, trying to keep us afloat, and doing all the child care/house care things. Well, not ALL. Bryan's been helping out more and we're working on the balance so I can get things done other than work. Like laundry, cleaning, playing with kids, cooking. Little things.

In addition, TWO BITS OF REALLY EXCITING NEWS! Sorry for shouting, but I want to get your attention.

ONE: my short story, The Vicar's Vixen, is coming out in March from Dark Eden Press. Now, they publish some pretty hot stuff, although my story is tame (I'm sooooo booring!), so only link to them if you're 18 or older, okay? And be sure you took your heart meds this morning.

TWO: a well-respected e-publisher, who's also putting some print books in bricks-and-mortar stores, has asked for a revision of The Full Moon Factor. The editor loved the story but would like to see some things fixed. So in my spare time (HA!) I'm working on that.

For more on my writing career, see my alternate persona, Kristin Lawrence's website.

Gotta get some work done, but there's the news for now.

Never a boring minute

In a bazillion years, when life gets slower, I'll be more consistent with posting to my blog. I think that means never. Life doesn't slow down, and that's a good thing. Inactivity is boredom. The good thing is, my life is never boring.

I'm working two jobs, Bryan is cutting back on his current job to start a company, I've got a short story getting published and I'm still shopping my first novel to publishers. The two jobs-thing is taking all my time right now - all that's not devoted to the kids, that is. Fortunately, one job is temporary and ends in 2 1/2 weeks, so things will get markedly more sane then, although we'll be slightly poorer as well, since that's when Bryan's hours cut back. But we'll do fine. Bryan's company has a great start and I'm predicting even better things to come. And I'm already planning that my brilliant sister will help them get organized on the business end. All those engineers will need her incisive mind to control their practical idealism. It does no good to build the product if you don't actually find the buyers for the product. They're not Kevin Costner.

The kids are adorable as usual. Alex and Jamie love kindergarten - art, gym and recess in particular. Because they compete with each other to tell me things, I actually get to hear what happens in their days. Amelia never told me anything much about school unless I was really lucky and patient. Amelia loves her second grade teacher, who apparently is an A+ teacher. The gym teacher, whom everyone loves, is an Ax (times) teacher - one step ahead of A+, according to Amelia.

Halloween is around the corner, so Bryan and I are working on costumes, with Auntie Di's able help on a Supergirl costume. Jamie wants to be a deep sea explorer and Alex a ghost. We tried convincing all of them to be ghosts, but no luck.

Time (time, time) is on my side (yes it is)

I keep telling myself that anyway. Somehow, with four hours every morning to do things, I still feel rushed. Am I adding more to my to-do list or am I just inefficient?

I am getting things done though. In the middle of laundry right now, paid some bills, and will get to finishing my short story today. Along with that, I need to send out some info on three workshops I'm doing for a woman starting up a company in the area. I guess there's more on my plate than I had before.

The kids are loving school so far, although the boys say circle time is "stupid." We agreed to amend that to, "We don't like circle time as much." Their primary objection to it appears to be that they can't talk incessantly - the curse of multiples is to work to be heard above their siblings. Only the fit survive. Apparently, Darwin is not a consideration at circle time.

I got two agent rejections in the past week. Stinks, especially because it draws my attention from writing. I don't want an agent, I want a personal assistant. One who can find the agents for me, prepare the submissions, track everything, and file the rejections. Hopefully one who will eventually deal with an acceptance someday too. If he or she can help with the laundry, that would heaven.

Buzzer just went off on the sheets in the dryer. Gotta go be productive with my time.

Back to work and school

Summer vacation's over. My three kids caught the bus this morning, the boys for the first time. Everyone was excited, including Mom. And I was the only one who cried too, which was good. Amelia was a great big sister, showing her brothers the ropes on the bus. (Alex said, "Mommy, why does the bus have ropes?") Now I'm home, writing five actual pages of non-crap today. Wow.

The summer ended nicely, with us trying to spend a lot of time together doing fun things. As opposed to Mom yelling, "No, we don't hit or bite when someone sits on us." Sometimes, frankly, I don't blame them for hitting and biting. Not that they should do it, mind you, but the impulse is perfectly understandable. I'd be pretty pissed if someone threw a Lego creation at me too.

We had a cookie-and-milk stand on Monday, earmarking the money earned - a whole $4 (thank you, neighbors) for the Haven, a homeless shelter in the area. Tuesday, we went on a long hike, stopping a couple times for mini-snacks along the way. It was a gorgeous day and complaining was at a minimum. Couldn't ask for more than that. The highlight for me was finding our second snack stop at a place where the echo was amazing. The kids practiced their silliest sounds, just to hear the echo, then I persuaded them that echoes should be beautiful, so we sang. Loudly and sometimes out of tune, but joyfully and, to my heart if not my ears, beautifully.

So summer is over and it's back to getting things accomplished. The last two weeks, I got two rejections, one from the publishing house where my manuscript had gotten past the readers' review and to the editor-in-chief's desk. Disappointing, but I'm plugging along, having submitted it to three agents and a few more to go on the "A" list. We'll see and in the meantime, I'm back to writing more.