I don't remember my counseling days as clearly as I'd like sometimes, but I'm pretty sure I'm an enmeshed mother. I was going to say "becoming" but the reality is, I'm there. The danger of having children, especially a daughter, is you start to relive your own childhood in their experiences.
If you're wise, you recognize that your children are NOT you and let them battle things out in their own way, offering support, advice, and encouragement, and stepping in only when it's something too big for their little bodies and minds to handle.
If you're me... well, I'm working on wisdom, but it's elusive.
Amelia has been struggling with being seven going on eight. She's bright, energetic and cheerful, but she wants everyone to love her, even when she doesn't act in a lovable way. She's learned at home that we love her no matter what, but her classmates don't always feel the same way.
She has friends - strong willed and independent like her - but she wants to be accepted by those who don't accept her now.
My heart aches for her pain - which is fortunately short-lived, because she's a resilient child. I get wrapped up in my own experiences of childhood friendship and rejection and have trouble separating. She is not me, doesn't feel the angst and joy of relationships in the same way, but my maternal instincts want to protect her as I would myself instead of letting her learn through trial and error how life works.
Because, in the end, we really learn the most through our own experiences.
She'll be fine. I know she will. But there are days when I wonder how mothers live through this constant worry and wonder.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
A not-very-scientific analysis of the NH campaigns of the presidential candidates
A slightly longer title than usual, but it goes with the annoyingly long campaign season for this primary. Now that's it's almost over (polls in NH close in about 3 hours and 20 minutes - not that I'm counting), this is my take on the campaigns waged in New Hampshire, from my little corner of it.
1) The Republicans shun the personal touch.
Hardly surprising, at least to me - an undeclared voter, but I never had a personal call or visit from any Republican campaign. We received a lot of "push poll" calls - you know, "Do you support the war in Iraq or do you hate freedom?" kinds of questions. My favorite was the automated poll with the opening question: "Do you intend to vote in the Republican primary?" When the answer was "no," the call disconnected without even a thank you. So much for unity and bipartisanship.
I must say, at least John McCain had the decency to personally tape a message to play. For that reason alone, I hope he beats the pants off of Mitt Romney.
2) Barack Obama's volunteers are cheerful and persistent - like happy little mosquitoes.
They swarm, both on the phone and in person. One day, I counted three phone calls from Obama's campaign alone - all different people who didn't realize I'd already been called. Just now, three young people who didn't look old enough to vote (I'd swear it was their mother waiting in the car for them) just knocked on the door to make sure we'd voted. Wouldn't one have done just as well or were they afraid we'd bite? Obama's campaign had already called earlier in the day as well to see if we'd voted - which we had and told them so.
That leads us to...
3) Obama's campaign seems to be the least organized...
with an asterisk, however. They're so eager to communicate and get out there that they miss communications others have already done. I'm not sure Obama should win if he's going to introduce this kind of redundancy back into government. I thought Al Gore had worked to cut some of this stuff.
They also change tactics in mid-stream, which I thought somewhat tacky. His last appearance in the area, yesterday, was supposed to have reserved seating to some who'd been invited to hear the Senator by the campaign. After Iowa, they changed their minds and called people to tell them it was now open seating. Apparently swelled by his popularity, Obama's people got cocky.
There were two problems with this. One: some very nice students who were having a civics lesson visiting all the campaigns in the area were disinvited. However, the adult coordinating reminded the staffer who did the disinviting that the students would return home that evening to their registered-voter parents and tell them all about seeing Clinton and McCain, as well as why they didn't see Obama. She hung up while the staffer was stumbling through his excuses.
The second problem: many Vermont voters crossed the border to take the seats, not more NH-registered voters. So those left out in the cold (only figuratively - it was a balmy 34 degrees or so here yesterday) could factor that into their assessment.
4) Hillary Clinton's volunteers reflect their candidate: polite, professional and distant.
Volunteers stopped by twice, politely dropped off materials, offered a phone number to call if interested, and left. Probably not good campaign tactics in general, but for a registered voter tired of the constant barrage of visits, phone calls, and mail, it was a welcome change. (New campaign slogan: VOTE CLINTON - SHE WON'T BOTHER YOU UNLESS YOU ASK HER TO.)
5) Edwards' volunteers are somewhere in the middle.
Friendly, a little persistent, but you could forgive them because they're so darn nice. They call, check in, say hi, and go on their way. They never drop in unannounced and, if they did stop by, they'd probably bring a gift - a plant or something, perhaps.
6) Ron Paul - a different sort of guy...
He called, multiple times, but I never actually heard his voice because I'd hang up before the automated message finished with the introduction: "Please hold for an important message from Ron Paul." I assume he wasn't actually going to talk with me personally, or I would have hung on.
Anyway, now less than three hours before the polls close and hopefully we've seen the last of eager Obama-ites, chipper Edwardsians, aloof Hillary-hangers (not that we saw much of them anyway), and Republicans in general. Go bug South Carolina for a while. We'll see you in four years.
1) The Republicans shun the personal touch.
Hardly surprising, at least to me - an undeclared voter, but I never had a personal call or visit from any Republican campaign. We received a lot of "push poll" calls - you know, "Do you support the war in Iraq or do you hate freedom?" kinds of questions. My favorite was the automated poll with the opening question: "Do you intend to vote in the Republican primary?" When the answer was "no," the call disconnected without even a thank you. So much for unity and bipartisanship.
I must say, at least John McCain had the decency to personally tape a message to play. For that reason alone, I hope he beats the pants off of Mitt Romney.
2) Barack Obama's volunteers are cheerful and persistent - like happy little mosquitoes.
They swarm, both on the phone and in person. One day, I counted three phone calls from Obama's campaign alone - all different people who didn't realize I'd already been called. Just now, three young people who didn't look old enough to vote (I'd swear it was their mother waiting in the car for them) just knocked on the door to make sure we'd voted. Wouldn't one have done just as well or were they afraid we'd bite? Obama's campaign had already called earlier in the day as well to see if we'd voted - which we had and told them so.
That leads us to...
3) Obama's campaign seems to be the least organized...
with an asterisk, however. They're so eager to communicate and get out there that they miss communications others have already done. I'm not sure Obama should win if he's going to introduce this kind of redundancy back into government. I thought Al Gore had worked to cut some of this stuff.
They also change tactics in mid-stream, which I thought somewhat tacky. His last appearance in the area, yesterday, was supposed to have reserved seating to some who'd been invited to hear the Senator by the campaign. After Iowa, they changed their minds and called people to tell them it was now open seating. Apparently swelled by his popularity, Obama's people got cocky.
There were two problems with this. One: some very nice students who were having a civics lesson visiting all the campaigns in the area were disinvited. However, the adult coordinating reminded the staffer who did the disinviting that the students would return home that evening to their registered-voter parents and tell them all about seeing Clinton and McCain, as well as why they didn't see Obama. She hung up while the staffer was stumbling through his excuses.
The second problem: many Vermont voters crossed the border to take the seats, not more NH-registered voters. So those left out in the cold (only figuratively - it was a balmy 34 degrees or so here yesterday) could factor that into their assessment.
4) Hillary Clinton's volunteers reflect their candidate: polite, professional and distant.
Volunteers stopped by twice, politely dropped off materials, offered a phone number to call if interested, and left. Probably not good campaign tactics in general, but for a registered voter tired of the constant barrage of visits, phone calls, and mail, it was a welcome change. (New campaign slogan: VOTE CLINTON - SHE WON'T BOTHER YOU UNLESS YOU ASK HER TO.)
5) Edwards' volunteers are somewhere in the middle.
Friendly, a little persistent, but you could forgive them because they're so darn nice. They call, check in, say hi, and go on their way. They never drop in unannounced and, if they did stop by, they'd probably bring a gift - a plant or something, perhaps.
6) Ron Paul - a different sort of guy...
He called, multiple times, but I never actually heard his voice because I'd hang up before the automated message finished with the introduction: "Please hold for an important message from Ron Paul." I assume he wasn't actually going to talk with me personally, or I would have hung on.
Anyway, now less than three hours before the polls close and hopefully we've seen the last of eager Obama-ites, chipper Edwardsians, aloof Hillary-hangers (not that we saw much of them anyway), and Republicans in general. Go bug South Carolina for a while. We'll see you in four years.
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